Knowledge, Understanding and amal (Tribute to akh Zafry)

"Anas, can you briefly describe your understanding upon this 1st chapter of Muntalak?"

I was dumbfounded... I couldn't do it. I couldn't describe my understanding upon this chapter. I totally forgot what is being discussed in this chapter. The whole chapter has been discussed extensively over the period of a few months with our previous naqib, akh Aizuddin. Upon all these months i came to forget everything. MashaAllah.. what has befallen on me?

Life has a specific rule on knowledge and understanding. The rule is those who understand a particular knowledge will be able to apply it. Knowledge coupled with pure understanding results in perfect application. This rule applies to any type of knowledge be it ukhrawi or duniawi.

A surgeon doing surgery on the GIT will be able to have an image of every relations of the stomach, duodenum, jejunum etc in his mind. He'll be able to project a 3D image of the whole system in his mind. Then when he's in the surgery he'll be able to implement it without any potential injury to the important blood vessels and nerves which appears in the surrounding. This is knowledge plus understanding.

I've been taught knowledge. Knowledge about the relation between the wahyu(revelation) and al-hawa(undue desire). We have discussed in our weekly online halaqat that wahyu will never go hand in hand with hawa... that life has two attractions; the Islamic attraction which is always good and the satanic attraction which is always bad... that one who's involve in da'wa need to get rid the al-hawa from his life.. totally get rid of it. This concept has been discussed thoroughly over a substantial period of time.

I was shocked, sad and I felt ashamed. Till now, the question put forward by akh Zafry still ringing clearly in my limbic... it keeps circulating there in the limbic, making laps upon the circular neuronal pathways that make up the emotional and temporary memory system.

Its profoundly clear that my knowledge in this 1st chapter of muntalak has not come with understanding. It hence resulted in my failure to apply it. Knowledge been taught that I must free myself from all the undue desire that chained my life; then only I can focus on learning, understand and thus reverberate the revelation to people in my surroundings.

For not understanding this knowledge, I've done many things unpardonable...of which I couldn't reveal to anybody. Only Allah Knows the best. He's closer than my own jugular vein. He Knows everything that I've done. Everything that answers the hawa... not the wahyu.

The axiom never fail: I learn + I don't understand = Im not applying the knowledge
= I keep indulging myself with hawa nafsu

The conversation with akh Zafry reverberate again in my ears:

..........."Anas.... boleh tak beritahu ana apa yang anta faham dari chapter lepas?"
..........."errr... urrmmmm... haisssyyy... akh Zafry.... minta maaf..... urmmm..... ana dah lupa laaa... urmm...."

Diam.... hanya bunyi horn lori di jalanan Bangalore mengisi ruang conference maya....

........"Oklah... kalau macam tu kita revise balik chapter lepas... kita tak boleh teruskan chapter seterusnya tanpa pemahaman chapter pertama...."

Fortunate me. Akh Zafry was so kind to help me revising what I did not understand and subsequently forgot...


"O Allah, protect me from my own hands, eyes and ears!"

ps: Third IA is coming in 7 days... I wrote this while pausing my study on the abdominal aorta